The best logical fallacy — a competition
(A list received via email, originally credited to Brian McGroarty.)
Ad Hominem: This is the best logical fallacy, and if you disagree with me, well, you suck.
Appeal to False Authority: Your logical fallacies aren’t logical fallacies at all because Einstein said so. Einstein also said that this one is better.
Appeal to Emotion: See, my mom, she had to work three jobs on account of my dad leaving and refusing to support us, and me with my elephantitis and all, all our money went to doctor’s bills so I never was able to get proper schooling. So really, if you look deep down inside yourself, you’ll see that my fallacy here is the best.
Appeal to Fear: If you don’t accept Appeal to Fear as the greatest fallacy, then THE TERRORISTS WILL HAVE WON. Do you want that on your conscience, that THE TERRORISTS WILL HAVE WON because you were a pansy who didn’t really think that Appeal to Fear was worth voting for, and you wanted to vote for something else? Of course not, and neither would the people you let die because THE TERRORISTS WILL HAVE WON.
Appeal to Force: If you don’t agree that Appeal to Force is the greatest logical fallacy, I will kick your ass.
Appeal to Majority: Most people think that this fallacy is the best, so clearly it is.
Appeal to Novelty: The Appeal to Novelty’s a new fallacy, and it blows all your crappy old fallacies out the water! All the cool kids are using it: it’s OBVIOUSLY the best.
Appeal to Numbers: Millions think that this fallacy is the best, so clearly it is.
Appeal to Tradition: We’ve used Appeal to Tradition for centuries: how can it possibly be wrong?
Argumentum Ad Nauseam:
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Argumentum ad nauseam is the best logical fallacy.
Begging The Question:
Circular reasoning is the best fallacy and is capable of proving anything.
Since it can prove anything, it can obviously prove the above statement.
Since it can prove the first statement, it must be true.
Therefore, circular reasoning is the best fallacy and is capable of proving anything.
Burden Of Proof: Can you prove that Burden of Proof isn’t the best logical fallacy?
Complex Question: Have you stopped beating your wife and saying Complex Question isn’t the best fallacy?
False Dilemma: I’ve found that either you think False Dilemma is the best fallacy, or you’re a terrorist.
False Premise: All of the other fallacies are decent, but clearly not the best as they didn’t come from my incredibly large and sexy brain.
Gambler’s Fallacy: In all the previous talks about this subject, Gambler’s Fallacy lost, so I just know the Gambler’s Fallacy is going to win this time!
Guilt by Association: You know who else preferred those other logical fallacies? *(insert pictures of Hitler, Stalin, and Pol Pot here)*
Non Sequitur: Non Sequitur is the best fallacy because none of my meals so far today have involved asparagus.
Post Hoc/False Cause: Since I’ve started presuming that correlation equals causation, violent crime has gone down 54%.
Red Herring: They say that to prove your fallacy is the best requires extraordinary evidence, because it’s an extraordinary claim. Well, I’d like to note that “Extraordinary claims demand extraordinary evidence” is itself an extraordinary claim.
Relativism: Well maybe all those other fallacies are the best for you, but to me, the relativist fallacy is the greatest logical fallacy ever.
Slippery Slope: If you don’t like Slippery Slope arguments, you will do poorly in class, drop out of school, commit crimes, go to prison, and die of AIDS.
Special Pleading: I know that everyone is posting about their favorite fallacies, but Special Pleading is out-and-out the best, so it should just win with no contest.
[More entrants here.]
Socrates started democracy in Greece so he is a democrat. When Socrates was in court he was blamed for piety and disturbing the youth. Melekus is the accuser in the case of Socrates. Another charge brought up against him was pity. Socrates argues that the son is not a god but simply a burning rock in the sky. So Socrates was convicted and sentenced to life in prison.
The greatest gift is to be in God’s presents, but when we are in God’s presents we should not think about ourselves. John Hick rebukes the concept that God would not allow suffering if he existed in the third paragraph of his essay. Because of evil there is said to be another force in the universe — a dark force. His name is Satin.
Under feudalism, a few at the top benefitted from power and everyone else was a pheasant. The aristocrats were trained for war and succeeded through their marital skills: swordsmanship, strategy, and self-defense. In feudal times, jobs were passed on from fathers to sons. For example, if your father was a priest, you would probably become a priest too.
Priests want to sustain themselves from sex so they can have eternal childhood in the Lord’s eyes. One thing religions teach is that you should prey regularly.
In modern times Decarrt explains why reason is wrong. My senses sometimes deceive me from far away, so how can you believe your senses when that happens? He shows that I am a real thing but what kinda of thing? Descartes proved that God exists in Medication III. The argument is sound, me being from the South and a firm believer in the Lord.
Galileo was on trial for his blasphemic saying the Earth is the center of the universe. In Galileo’s time no one could push science forward without the Church killing them. With his huge telescope, Galileo noticed that the earth moved. Galileo had people follow his exact word, and those people were called the people of Galilee. This was a smart play toward the Church by Galileo. Galileo also worked with gravity, which is what causes the cause and effect effect.
Justice is really a double bladed sword: at times it is a warm blanket keeping you safe and at other times an uncontrollable juggernaut ready to mow you over.
Capital punishment is the death penalty for a crime that dates back to the beginning of civilization. Some people believe in capital punishment because of the “eye for an eye” theory: for instance, if you kill me, I should be able to kill you. Capital punishment is mostly about whether persons who have been executed will commit further offenses if and when released. Cruel and unusual punishment is included in the Constitution. But Capital Punishment violates the Eighth Amendment because it makes people feel like they are less of a person.
In modern times, Utilitarianism is the doctrine that we should all strive to pleasure our neighbors. John Stuart Mill said that even if what is being said is true, it is still wrong to censor it. Of course, we cannot take it for granite that all of Mill’s assumptions are true.
According to Freud, the USA became a frightened country after the terrible events of 9/11. Freud opposes the tabula razor theory of human nature. According to Freud, the child has lust during the breast-feeding stage. Eventually his mother stops, and his lust is suppressed until his adultery stage. Freud had issues.
Marx says the broughers who employ the workers can and do enslave the proliterate workers. So Marx promoted socialism, which operates the production of products produced by the society. Marx believed socialism was the best form of government for the world after World War II. Communist Russia failed because of Mises and Hayek’s lack of knowledge. Socialism is an ideal, but come on now! Let’s be realistic!
Ayn Rand, in his book about art, argues that romantic people have feelings. Rand feels that if we let go of logic and reason we can understand what art really is. Perhaps Rand is the new Kant. Against Marx, Rand advocates free enterprise and self interest. The rich are able to create new jobs and hand them out to the poor, which takes many poor people out of poverty and also gives the rich something to do. She said that minimum wage increases raise the cost of labor, so workers may lose their fridge benefits. But her philosophy is sort of controversial, in a sense. She commits the fallacy of hoc poc der doc.
